Raito Learns the Hard Way: Don't Sleep on the Job
by Hybrid-Demon
Summary: Raito drifts of into REM sleep one fine day while he should be catching Kira. He is rudely awoken by L and Misa... Fighting? Crack. Oneshot. Second result of sheer boredom.


Raito must have dozed off, which was no surprise considering his new sleeping habits.

Or lack there of.

Being chained to L had it's obvious consequences. L's very long, sleepless hours had taken quite a toll on the teen.

But that's ok. He was catching up on lost sleep while he should be reading papers concerning Yotsuba. He was dreaming a rather odd dream that concerned Fairies, purple skies, and a gruesome tumor that was quickly taking over some womans body. He was in the middle of this random dream when L and Misa rolled onto the set. Confused, he looked down at the two, who were rolling around on the ground in a...

... Cat fight?

Raito watched will wide eyes as L pulled Misa's hair, yelling something incoherent. She responded by biting the detectives shoulder. L pushed her off and stood up, preparing himself for the ball of anger to throw herself back at him.

"Uhmmm.." Raito tried. "What's going on?"

Neither replied. They were to preoccupied with their little scuffle to notice Raito's baffled expression.

Thankfully, Raito found himself being pulled back to consciousness. He was silently grateful to open his eyes, the dream vanishing into thin air.

Or so he thought.

His eyes opened, but his mind was yet to follow. He lifted his head off his arms and looked around. Turning his head to the right, he saw the most peculiar sight.

L and Misa.

In the middle of a cat fight.

Raito cocked his head. Misa was yelling shrilly and lashing out at the hunched over insomniac. L was still in his chair, countering Misa's verbal assaults with calm and biting comebacks, his arms raised to parry her wildly flailing arms.

Raito blinked.

He blinked again.

He rubbed his eyes for good measure.

He was witnessing a once in a life time experience.

"Uhmm... Guys?" he asked timidly. The two either didn't hear him, or chose to ignore him. Raito didn't like being ignored, or talked over for that matter. He closed his eyes, counting to ten and listening to their argument.

"... Ryuuzaki, you are such a filthy, rotten, _homosexual_ pig!"

_Smack!_

"... Have you looked at yourself lately? I may not get out a lot, but I can recognize an asinine bimbo when I see one."

_Slap!_

"Oh, God! I may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but at least I'm not a stuck up detective!"

_Parry!_

"Amane-san, if we are going to compare you to brightly colored wax sticks, then I would have to say you would be compared to gray."

_Retaliate!_

"You self centered, despicable, rotten detective!"

_Other battle-like action-- Here!_

"Floozy!"

"Fag!"

"**_Enough_**!"

Both L and Misa looked over at Raito, as if only now noticing that he was awake.

On second thought, they probably _did_ just notice that he was awake.

"You two are quarreling like school girls in heat! Seriously, look at yourselves!"

Both detective and model opened their mouths to speak at the same time.

"-- he called me a whore!" Misa shouted, pointing at the ebony haired man.

"-- She called me gay." L accused, looking at Raito with a slightly disgruntled look behind his dark eyes.

Raito sighed. "How did this happen?"

Misa took a sharp intake of breath and began to rattle off what had started the fight, tears welling in her eyes.

"Slower, Misa! I need to hear you."

L decided he should explain it, now that Misa was rather upset.

"It started out as a civil conversation. Misa wanted me to take the handcuffs off of you. I told her I couldn't. We talked about pointless things until I noticed that she was eying my pastry's. I asked her politely and with no ulterior motives in mind, if she wanted one. She was instantly angry, yelling at me about how fattening sweets were, and how I must want to ruin her body so you'll love me instead of her. Than she said that despite my rather fragile looking figure, I was probably hiding the truth underneath my baggy attire. Intent to prove her and her theories about my body wrong, I lifted my shirt enough to demonstrate that I wasn't hiding anything. Upon seeing my stomach, Misa-chan accused me of being anorexic. Annoyed that I went from overweight to self starvation, I told she was just jealous that my stomach was flatter than hers and planned to continue on with life. However, your girlfriend couldn't leave it at that--"

"He called me a slut!"

Raito stopped the argument before another fight could break out.

Sighing again, he decided to take up the fatherly referee position. He turned to L, his eyes reflecting what an experienced teacher must feel when two students are bickering.

"Ryuuzaki, are you gay?"

"No." L replied, looking at Raito with narrowed eyes.

"And Misa, are you a whore?"

"Of course not!" Misa yelped, looking as if Raito had slapped her.

"It's settled then. Now, is everyone okay?"

Misa nodded vigorously. L pouted.

"Yes, I suppose. Misa is still a bitch though."

"_Ryuuzaki_!" Raito yelled, slapping his hands against the desk.

Misa gasped, then hit L in the arm as hard as she could.

L just stared at the computer, taking a bite of cherry pastry.

Raito decided to take this as a sign to never fall asleep during investigation hours again.

* * *

**Aha ha, crack XD. I got this idea before dinner and was like, "Hey! This might be fun!" So I typed it up all quick like**. **Remember, authors ADORE reviews. So wont you take 2 minutes of your precious time and leave a few kind (or unkind...) words?**

**Hybrid **


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